People with dating checklists

If you’ve browsed the online personals for any amount of time, you will have noticed that some people have elaborate fantasies about what their ideal mate should and should not be. Some people put their checklists out in the open in the form of finicky little bulleted lists, and others do not reveal their checklists but secretly judge you anyway. Either way, these people are morons. Oh yes suh, I’m talkin to you!

People with dating checklists usually have the following attributes:

1. Superficial

Yup, these people are frequently superficial, often unapologetically so. And if there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s a superficial man. If you are one of those people who have not yet even come to terms with the fact that superficiality is a bad thing, then lets take it to email or the comments section, because I’m probably going to hit the word limit if I try to help you here.

2. Unrealistic

That’s right, checklist people are practically batshit crazy with the level of expectation they have set forth for their potential mate. They have doomed themselves to disappointment with their wild demands, like “must make 6 figures and be size 6” or “left eye green, right eye blue.” If ONLY I were exaggerating.

3. Ineffective

And this really gets to the meat of the matter: checklists don’t work. It’s like that Woody Allen movie, the one where his daughter spies on Julia Roberts’ sessions with her therapist, and learns of every secret want that Julia wishes to find in a man. So Woody uses this knowledge to pretend to be the perfect man for Julia — he knows all her greatest passions, wants, and desires, and becomes everything she’d ever hoped she’d find. Julia is swept up at first, but then in the end she realizes that this fantasy man she had imagined doesn’t actually fulfill her after all, and that she can be at peace with the happiness she had known with her imperfect ex.

In Conclusion:

Checklists won’t bring you happiness. Free your mind, and the rest will follow!

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